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Recipe for Disaster

April 13, 2016

I promised you all my Recipe du Jour so here it is:

KIPPERS WITH RED HERRINGS

Ingredients:

Several thousand Kippers. 

1 Master Chef

A number of facts relating to the EU to be coarsely chopped into a large pile of Red Herrings

Method:

The Master Chef needs to be well soused before he is installed in the kitchen. This is easily achieved by sending him to lunch with an FT journalist beforehand. See below for details of a recent lunch that proved acceptable. Ideally, the Master Chef's lunch should include approximately two weeks' supply of units of alcohol.  

It is important that the brains of the Kippers are not too well developed, otherwise the mixture might curdle. The more hungry and strongly smoked the Kippers are the better. The Kippers should then be distributed across social media to ensure maximum contact with the Red Herrings. 

The well soused Master Chef should now be placed in the kitchen with a laptop and drip fed with facts relating to the EU. He will then stir the facts in the cauldron of his mind until they are dizzy with distortion. And that is the point at which they are ready to be fed as Red Herrings to the hungry Kippers. 

The poor Kippers, having been too hungry to properly chew upon the Red Herrings, will immediately disperse them via social media to all other Kippers. The end result should resemble a slightly lumpy soup not dissimilar to a bouillabaisse. If it is boiling furiously enough it will serve a substantial army. 

An appropriate lunch for a Master Chef:

 

 

 

 

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